The Rocky Road Brownie, a sweet escape: A memoir on finding joy in unexpected places
Written by Margaret Lavin
It was fifth grade; my friends, my home, and my school meant everything to me. After all, I had lived in the same home, attended the same school, and had most of the same friends all my life–I had known no difference and did not want to experience an alternate reality. However, I would soon face an unwanted change when the idea of moving to England surfaced. The idea of moving, especially to another country, brought up feelings of indignation. These feelings would often lead to sadness because I would have to leave the only way of life I had known. I was scared that I would not be able to regain my life of happiness in New York City and that by leaving I would not be able to experience the same joy in a new place. When the time came to go to the airport and move, I felt that the only way to be loyal to my home was to act miserably in my new one.
The first few weeks of living in England felt long, with the days never-ending, and the dreary, dark weather inflicting sadness on me.I felt like I was on an extended trip rather than in my new home. When school started, my new reality caught up to me, but I did not want to embrace it. Internally I was miserable but I displayed a happy front from the outside. One afternoon, I decided to walk into a mall or Metro-Centre, as they called it. Almost immediately, a cafe named Rosie’s caught my attention, with a buzzing crowd coming in and out. I was not expecting this cafe to sell anything that looked appealing to me–after all, nothing could match a New York slice of pizza as an after-school snack. However, from the moment I walked into Rosie’s, I was mesmerized by the various elaborate desserts on display in the glass. While skimming the many desserts, my attention focused on a “rocky road brownie”. The description below the name read, “a brownie base with gooey fudge, marshmallows, and graham crackers on top”. The dessert looked like something I would enjoy, and be able to indulge in.
I bought one Rocky Road brownie and took a seat at a table with a booth in the corner. I slowly took the rocky road brownie out of the bag. The brownie looked more majestic in my hands, with the powdered sugar beginning to coat my palms. The second I put the first piece of the brownie into my mouth, I was comforted by the softness of the marshmallows and appeased by the flavors of chocolate. A smile began to emerge on my face after swallowing, as these emotions transported me back to happier times living in New York City when I would take the first bite of pizza from my favorite pizzeria. Despite the difference in foods and places, the rocky road brownie offered happiness that I had not experienced since moving. I felt that the only way to continue experiencing this euphoria was by going to Rosie’s every Thursday, and ordering the rocky road brownie every time. But the days that were not Thursday felt empty. Rosie’s was the home that felt the most familiar to me. Every Thursday, I always found myself sitting in the same booth, daydreaming about happier times whilst holding the brownie in my hand as if it had the same powers of a magical wand.
Now, three years later, I find myself back in England, vigilantly walking across the same cobblestone streets. The brisk March air feels fresh as the wind howls against the stone buildings. Newcastle feels different, different from the way I remember it being the year that I lived there. The trees seem to be a more vibrant green, the people seem happier, and the city seems cleaner. I am now walking around the city with a smile covering my face–a smile I would never dare to show when I was living there. I see the city in a new, ethereal light because I chose to be happy and perceive the city with an open-minded mindset.
As I continue along the cobblestone streets, a pit begins to form in my stomach and I can only think of one place to fill it–Rosie’s. Luckily, I was standing right in front of the Metro-Centre. I think about myself, a few years ago, standing in the same place, with vulnerability and unhappiness. I make my way into the Metro-Centre, awaiting the busy crowd humming in and out of Rosie’s. Though, the only thing that I see is a sign on the door that reads in bolded red letters, “Permanently closed”. I look into the glass window of the shop and see a perfect image of my reflection. I am not the same person that first walked into Rosie’s three years ago; I now stand tall with confidence. Instead of being upset about the closing of a store that used to mean everything to me, I smile into its emptiness and at the ghost of my past. I now stand happy internally, without needing a rocky road brownie. I am grateful for what Rosie’s gave me in my past at my lowest points, but I am even more grateful for the illuminating smile that I carry with me now.
